Lessons of love

My Grandma Drury ( my dads mother) was one of the most influential people in my life. She loved unconditionally and was an example of enduring to the end. She passed away when I was 20 and I miss her dearly.

Growing up I was a typical kid. I wanted her love and attention and she always gave it to me, but I never gave much back in return. There were days that she would sit and play UNO or gin with me all day and forget about the dishes or appointments. She made me feel like I was the only thing she wanted to concentrate on. She did this for me, my sisters and all my cousins. It was not until I grew up and had kids of my own that I fully understood how huge this was. There are many times I'm busy with life, the house or other demands placed on me and I put my kids off. There are also days when we do spend time together and even though it is enjoyable and they are the loves of my life you can only play so many rounds of capitalism. I remember one time she was sick and still took the time to drive me to the mall, while I thanked her and gave her my usual kiss goodbye I wish I could go back and really thank her. I mean she drove me to the mall while sitting on a doughnut! and all I gave back was a thank you!

One memory that has shaped who I am was watching me grandmother cry when I would ask her about Jesse. Jesse Moroni Drury the third ( I always loved the fanciness of his full name) was my dads brother, my grandmas oldest son. He died on a scouting trip in southern UT when he was 15, my dad was 2. He got separated from the group and they left him. This was before the days of cell phones and each car thought he was in the other and did not realize he was missing until they stopped a few hrs later. Search parties, authorities and family searched for him but it was not until a year later that a rancher found his remains under a tree. He succumbed to the heat and lack of water. I was always sad hearing the story and I hated to see my grandma cry but it was not until I had children of my own that I could understand my grandmothers grief. I cannot fully ever understand the pain she felt but I know how much I love my children and cannot even comprehend the thought of something happening to one of them. I wish I could see her again and put my arms around her and tell her I love her. To let her know she is the bravest, strongest, most courageous, lovely amazing person I have ever known. She pushed on through unimaginable loss and never let it make her bitter. She had amazing faith and love and served The Lord until her last days on this earth. She set an example for me of what it means to love, despite the heartache and loss she felt everyday. I love you grandma, thank you for the lessons you taught me, for always being there to talk, for singing to me, and loving more then I deserved!

So while Riley is on his 200 mile biking trip with his scout troop this week, I've been missing you more then ever and wish I could let you know how much you mean to me. You're in my thoughts, I love you grandma!

High school????

I took Riley to his high school marching band orientation tonight where I sat half the meeting in shock that my little Riley is going to be in high school. He's so excited and I'm happy that he has something that he loves, music! Band was such a big part of my life growing up and it gave me purpose and helped me develop a good work ethic. I know Riley will excel in whatever he does! I love that kid!!!

Remembering

I don't know why but I have been thinking a lot about September 11. I remember exactly where I was and what I was doing that morning. Riley was only 2 1/2 and he was in his high chair eating toast and I was watching the today show. I slowly watched as the events of that morning took place and my world felt like it was ripped from me.

I called my mom and told her to turn the tv on and then I cried as I waited for Jeremy to call. He was at work on the navy base in Newport RI and they were on lockdown. He came home later that day and we both just sobbed...For the loss of life, the loss of feeling safe and just the sheer magnitude of evil in the world. We later found out that Jeremy's cousins husband was killed at the pentagon where he worked. It made it even more real. For days we cried as we were glued to the stories being shown over the news.

The day before, September 10, we found out we were expecting Lorenzo. We had had quite a struggle getting pregnant with him and we were elated! I felt terrible to have joy about the pregnancy while so much destruction, pain, and loss was around us. It was quite a while before we felt like we could share happy news.

I'll never forget Riley. At 2 1/2 he was able to sense that things were not what they were. He saw the planes hit on the news that morning and I had to explain to him that there were real bad guys out there. It's one of his earliest memories and even that still makes me sad.

I don't know why this has been weighing on my heart as of late but I just want to say I have not forgotten!

Meet Scout

After loosing Tink we all felt so lonely and sad, so we decided we needed some cheering up! No one can be sad with a new puppy in the house so that's what we did!
Scout is our 13 week old Sheltie and she has made life without tink a little easier.

2013 is getting better

Thank you January for at least letting the Temps be kind to us! I could get used to this!

RIP Tinkerbell 10/2002-01/02/2015

Yesterday after returning from Utah Jeremy, Riley and Lorenzo came home and let the dogs out. After a few min. piper came back but tink did not. Liam and I were on a separate flight and I had called to find out if they made it home ok. When I called, Riley told me they could not find tink and that Jeremy was out Looking for her. I got Liam a drink and then we boarded the plane. Right before I had to turn my phone off I texted Jeremy to see if they had found Tink. His reply back was " she drowned". Liam saw the text and we both spent the next 2 1/2 hr flight home crying.

I guess tink wandered into our neighbors yard and fell into their pool. The neighbor came over and got Jeremy as soon as she found her. We are not sure why she went over into the their yard or how she fell in the pool. The best we could come up with is that she may have been sick or disoriented due to an eye infection or maybe even lost her vision and stumbled into the pool. Needless to say we are all devastated.

Riley got Tink for Christmas in 2002, the year Lorenzo was born. She has been with us through 4 moves and has been the kids best friend. Riley used to have major anxiety about something happening to Tink and it has been especially hard on him. He was up until 2:00am last night just sobbing. It was heart breaking.

Even though tink drove me nuts, and I think she found joy in torturing me, I am so shocked and saddened that she is gone. I keep thinking that I did not say goodbye or that she may have been sick and I was not here to help her. Jeremy and Riley buried her underneath our hammock trees and Riley was so strong. He wrapped her in a soft towel and said goodbye before he helped Jeremy bury her. I don't know why, but it really bothers me that she is in the back yard. I have been struggling with this. Part of me feels like I need to go get her or that she was just asleep as that was how Jeremy described her when he placed her down to rest. I am hoping that time will help me to get over it, as of right now I can't go out in the back yard.

Tinkerbell, we thought you had 9 lives. You survived being dropped on your head in HI by a neighbor kid. Falling over 10 feet from our tree house when again, a neighbor kicked you off. You have had trouble walking, still managed to eat even though you lost most of your teeth in the tree house incident. I just never thought you would leave us. We will miss you!!!